Relationships - Part 1
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The EncountHer Zone
We are speaking out about relationships! Relationships between men and women.
Why are they so complicated? Or are they?
Have you ever wondered why people do the things they do? Sure you have.
Have you ever wondered why you do what you do?
Let's begin our approach like this.....Meet Jessica, Steve, Deidra, Richard and Mia - our case studies, if you will...
Hang in here with me, I'm going somewhere with all of this....
Here are their profiles:
Jessica has never healed from past hurt and rejection. Even though she would never admit it, she is still angry with her last ex and bitter about how he was able to move on with his life without skipping a beat after they split. Jessica says she is seeking a relationship which will lead to marriage. She is expecting her next man to make up for everything that all the other men in her past did – or did not do. Jessica expects to be treated like a reigning queen – lavished with attention and material things. When asked what she brings to a relationship, she would say, “I expect him to do whatever it takes to treat me like I deserve to be treated and to make me happy and keep me happy”... happy wife, happy life… if he can do that, then we'll both be happy....that’s what I bring!”
Steve is married to Trisha. They have two beautiful children and all the other trappings of a good and successful life. Steve has a work colleague named Lenore. Lenore is single. According to Steve, he and Lenore are “just friends”. Whenever they have the opportunity, they go to lunch together, coffee breaks sometimes. Sometimes they meet after work to “talk shop”. Occasionally they meet at the health club and work out together. Steve’s wife Trisha is not comfortable with his “friendship” with Lenore. But for Steve, Lenore is easy to talk to and very understanding when he has shared some personal issues with her. Steve sees nothing wrong and has no intention of pulling back or ending his friendship with Lenore. Lenore on the other hand has a hidden agenda. She is willing to wait this situation out and play “work buddies” until she sees (or creates) just the right moment to make her move on Steve…
Mia is a single mom raising three children. Mia’s father was not a part of her life. Nor did she have the benefit of a wise and loving mother or grandmother to nurture her or speak life to her. In her younger life, she made many bad choices and decisions in relationships. Physical abuse, verbal abuse and manipulative partners were a large part of her experiences. She had a knack for connecting with “Mr. Wrong”. She considers herself a victim. Deep down inside she hates herself and blames herself for being foolish over and over again. Now, as a forty-something year old woman, she brings emotional chaos into the life of any man she may connect with, which eventually drives him away. Mia is still hopeful that one day, the right man will come along who truly loves her, who will mend her brokenness. and rescue her from her destructive cycle…..
Richard is a middle aged divorcee’. On the surface he is a clean cut attractive man, intelligent, with a great personality. He presents himself very well. He also has three failed marriages that haunt him constantly. He is secretly addicted to pornography. He has tried to change many times. But when pressures begin to mount in his life, his escape is DVDs, magazines and the abundance of filth that can be found online. In his fantasy world everything is pleasurable and perfect. So perfect, that he is beginning to live in the fantasy more and more –and to desire a real relationship less and less. For Richard, a relationship is too much work, too much commitment. But he does date from time to time in order to appear “normal”. Richard has recently met Mia..... they are just beginning to date....
Deidra is a young, educated, professional woman. She is an entrepreneur and a social climber, determined to make a name for herself. She is very strategic about how, when and where she places herself so that she makes just the right connections. She does not waste her time with individuals who cannot be of benefit to her in some way. She continues to add to her portfolio of athletes, politicians, executives and celebrities. She does not want children any time soon. Deidra’s future is well-planned. If you ask her, she will tell you that love and romance are nice, but not to get too carried away with emotion. She would say, “always maintain control so that you can handle your business with a clear head". She believes in “strategic partnerships” that will empower her to attain and accomplish more. But in her quiet reflective moments, she must face and acknowledge her insecurities, disappointments, loneliness, and anxiety about the future.
Mind you, these are all fictional characters that are being used to illustrate examples of relationship interactions.
But the issues that exist within these fictional situations can be seen and felt in many real life experiences.
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